Fear plays an important role in the evolution of the human race, as it prevents life-threatening, reckless and impulsive actions. It was definitely present in primitive man, who was constantly exposed to danger. In different cultures, children experience a number of common fears in their development: in early childhood and preschool, the fear of separation from their mother; the fear of death at the age of 7-8, and so on. This is proof of general patterns of mental development. Some psychological characteristics make the emergence of fears in children more likely. These include emotional sensitivity and related vulnerability, which, just like emotional memory, lead to a vivid, imaginative retention of traumatic life events. Inertia and rigidity of nervous processes, as well as developed long-term memory, contribute to the prolonged retention and fixation of the object of fear and make it difficult to switch attention, which, in turn, reinforces and intensifies the feeling of fear.
LET’S UNDERSTAND THE CAUSES OF FEARS IN CHILDREN
- Parental (mainly maternal) fears: anxiety in their attitude towards the child, excessive shielding of the child from dangers and isolation from peers. The only child in a family is the most susceptible to this type of fear, as he or she often become the epicentre of parental concerns and anxieties. Hyper-protection, overprotection, ‘blowing dust off a child creates a sense of weakness, insecurity, and defencelessness in a child facing the world full of dangers.
- Early rationalisation of the child’s feelings due to excessive demands of parents or their emotional rejection of children.
- A large number of prohibitions from a parent of the same sex or the granting of complete freedom to a child by a parent of the other sex, as well as numerous and unrealised threats from adults.
- Lack of conditions for role identification with the parent of the same sex, mainly for boys, which creates problems with communication with peers and generates self-doubt.
- Conflicted relationships between parents. A child’s emotional sensitivity to parental conflict tends to increase with age. Girls are particularly vulnerable in this regard, due to their greater susceptibility compared to boys.
- Mother’s constant nervous and psychological overload as a result of forced or intentional substitution of family roles.
- Mental traumas such as fright, which exacerbate the age-related sensitivity of children and lead to a sense of danger, “fear contagion” in the process of direct communication with peers and adults.
HOW TO HELP A CHILD?
Below are seven steps to overcome fears.
The first step towards a child in the fight against his or her fears is to be patient. Patience is crucial because many fears seem silly. Again, patience and calmness. The mother’s reaction is always transmitted to the child. If the mother starts to yell, the fear does not disappear but adds the fear of being punished. The child stops complaining and withdraws. The task of parents is to prevent the fear from taking hold and developing into a mental disorder
The second step is to show your calmness, but also interest in the child’s problem. Ask in detail what the child is afraid of.
The third step is to explain that this happens not only to him or her, but to other children as well. Tell or invent a story about yourself: “When I was little, I was also sometimes afraid, but then I grew up and now a lot has changed…”
The fourth step is to avoid punishing the child if he or she continues to be afraid. Never try to convince the child that he or she is bad because of fear.
The fifth step is to use imagination, if persuasion does not help. Look for other ways to overcome fears, such as humour. Act out a true story where the child is an observer, not a participant in the events. Pretend to be afraid of something and then turn it into a joke: “It turns out to be this, and I thought… Oh, how I made everyone laugh…”. Be sure to laugh long and laugh infectiously. Ask your child to retell this story to the father, and see how he or she does it – with humour or anxiety? Read children’s books with similar stories.
The sixth step implies perseverance. The fight against fears can sometimes be very long and exhausting. But don’t give up! The main thing is not to intimidate, punish, or cause new fears. If the child is categorically against it, back off, but return to the issue later.
The seventh step is encouragement. It can be a word, a toy, a trip to the park, things like that. If the child has overcome some small, insignificant fear, be sure to praise him or her, mention this small feat for a few more days, tell strangers or other people in the presence of the child how brave he or she was. Praise and brag about the child to others so that he or she can hear.
Many fears are born from a mother’s own example. First of all, watch yourself, your reactions and behaviour. Adult nervousness only harms the child. If you scream every time you see your baby grabbing a fork: “Oh, no, she can hurt herself!!”, she will at best ignore you, and at worst be afraid to pick up the fork for a long time. Maybe she will also shout to her children “Drop the fork or you’ll hurt yourself!”.
If you see that none of these methods helped your child to cope with fears, if there is insomnia, stuttering, irritability or apathy appear, consult a psychologist.
Remember that in a stressful situation, the attitudes of our subconsciousness are formed that we will take with us into adulthood. But dear parents, remember that there is a fear that is SCARY to lose. This is the fear of offending or judging a friend; the fear of your indifference, greed, callousness, and hard-heartedness. Never lose this fear!
