Adolescence itself is a psycho-emotionally difficult crisis phenomenon. Hormonal waves against dramatic changes in social status (along with rights and freedoms, a person gets a set of responsibilities for one’s life and choices) naturally cause a high level of anxiety, as these are uncharted territories, and there is no experience of living an adult life. This is the period when young people seem to have one foot in childhood and the other in adulthood. And such a “twine” is very uncomfortable, and often scary and painful. If this is compounded by a lack of healthy coping skills, it can be too difficult for teenagers to cope with the difficulties of their age: rejection, mistakes, breakdowns in relationships, problems in school or family.
In this case, for example, when a romantic relationship breaks up, instead of saying “You will have many more crushes in your life”, you should say: “It seems that this is a strong feeling, one that you have never experienced before. I’m here if you want to talk”. If there are problems with communication, instead of saying “It’s okay, you’ll find other friends”, you can say “It happens that we lose people we love. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now”.
It is difficult to be a perfect parent. We all have our own baggage of colourful life experiences that influence the way we build relationships. The experience of past generations has given us a legacy of prioritising physical health (feeding, clothing) and education (providing sufficient academic knowledge) in raising a child. And historically, preventive care for mental health has been left to the discretion of parents, who often simply do not know how to do it properly, precisely because they were not taught how to do it either.
Teenagers often behave defiantly. This is an opportunity for them to finally be heard. As if this is the only way left to communicate, or rather shout about the scale and depth of their pain. Indeed, teenagers, immersed in their “cocoon” from which they must emerge after undergoing a radical transformation, often become more withdrawn, less open and less likely to talk and share their experiences. And it is easy to misinterpret this behaviour as a lack of need for close communication.
However, what they need most at this very moment is the feeling that they are loved, valued, understood and accepted, and that they are ready to be supported and cared for when they need it.
If this feeling is not there, depression can develop, among other things. Depression is one of the main factors leading to the development of suicidal behaviour in young people. According to research, about one-third of youth suicide victims suffered from clinical depression or other mental disorders. Other immediate risk factors include substance abuse, physiological changes associated with adolescence, or long-term illness.
Warning signs include
– verbal or written (social media) messages directly about suicide. For example, “I will not cause anyone any more problems”, “I will end this life”;
– alcohol or drug use;
– feelings of helplessness and hopelessness about a situation;
– manifestations of risky or self-destructive behaviour.
Manifestations that are generally typical of adolescence can be added here, such as reduced levels of communication (socialisation) and an increased desire to be alone; significant mood swings; changes in the usual life rhythm, including eating and sleeping patterns.
What should parents do proactively to prevent accidents and keep their kids safe? Talk about mental health and suicide, ask what’s going on with your child if you notice sadness, anxiety, apathy, etc. Attentive listening and offering to help can also help. It is important to pay attention to both the child’s words and behaviours, to encourage the child to lead a healthy lifestyle (especially by example), to spend time with family or friends.
The idea that it will be easier not to encounter this new, unknown and frightening adult life at all is quite common among teenagers. They may remain in thoughts or fantasies about how their families will grieve if something happens to them. If there are one or more concomitant risk factors and no timely help, such thoughts can unfortunately turn into actions.
In addition to mental health disorders per se, factors that increase the risk of suicide in children include certain life circumstances, such as adoption; loss of friends or family members or problematic relations with them; family history of mental disorders, suicide or actions that could lead to suicide; experience of physical or sexual violence, psycho-emotional abuse or bullying; access to means of committing suicide, such as weapons or medications.
It is important to remember that adolescents’ perceptions of adulthood may be different, disturbing and frightening. Moreover, they may not really realise that suicide is a permanent reaction rather than a solution to short-term difficulties. This is why it is so important to talk to your kids about suicide, to show them that you are there for them and to reassure them that together you can overcome any difficulties.
If parents suspect that their child is suicidal, they should talk to him or her about it immediately, without fear that these conversations may reinforce suicidal ideation. It is also worth asking about the child’s feelings, not devaluing the difficulties the child is facing; listening carefully and reassuring the child of your love. And, of course, seek professional help from a psychiatrist or psychologist.
It is important for adults to understand that there are no halftones in the inner world of a teenager – his or her worldview is sharp, and emotions are at their peak. Teenagers are “rocked and rolled” like a small boat in a stormy ocean. The most important thing that such a boat needs is to moor to a larger ship or shore, to lean on someone or something that is stable and reliable.
And the most important thing you should not do with any teenager’s feelings is NOT to devalue them and NOT to ban them. Instead, it is critical to show that you understand what is going on.
