What is attachment?
Attachment is a unique and very specific form of bonding. It does not refer to all the feelings a child has for a caregiver or the feelings a caregiver has for a child. It is a bond that begins in infancy with the child’s biological predisposition to choose a primary caregiver to feel safe. An infant seeking attachments has a function of survival. It is this attachment that keeps the young child close to the caregiver and causes suffering when they get separated.
Attachment does not always mean a positive or healthy bond. Due to biological predisposition, infant attachment to caregivers develops in almost all circumstances. For this reason, babies with caregivers who are neglectful or abusive are just as likely to become attached to them as babies with warm and caring caregivers. In other words, all infants and young children seek safety and protection from their caregivers and become attached. Therefore, the quality of attachment is determined by caregiver’s accessibility and the way he or she responds to the child’s needs for safety and security. So, it is rarely a question of whether a child is attached or not, but rather what type of attachment has been formed.
What kinds of attachments can form?
The attachment relationships that children have with their caregivers are differentiated based on the extent to which adults provide the child with a sense of physical and emotional security. Therefore, there is a difference between securely and insecurely attached children. The security of attachment depends on:
- the continuity of the relationship with the caregiver;
- how sensitive and responsive the caregiver is to the child’s needs.
Young children become securely attached when their caregivers respond quickly and warmly to their distress, provide appropriate stimulation, treat them affectionately and positively, and are responsive to their needs and feelings. An insecure attachment develops when caregivers are intrusive, over-stimulating, punitive and controlling, or, conversely, unresponsive and uninvolved in the child’s life. To develop a secure attachment, a responsive caregiver must be available to the child at all times. Care that is unpredictable or inappropriate for the child’s needs will contribute to the development of insecure attachment.
Different types of attachment
A child’s early attachment to a caregiver is vital for the development of their understanding and expectations of relationships and social interactions outside of attachment. This understanding and set of expectations is referred to as the child’s “internal working model”. Securely attached children will develop a model in which they view themselves as worthy and loved and other people – as benevolent and predictable. This optimistic set of expectations usually leads to a pro-social orientation. On the other hand, insecurely attached children develop a sense of unworthiness and, based on their experience, expect others to reject them, be angry with them, or be rejected. This negative set of expectations can lead to anger and acting out or depression and withdrawal.
It is important to note that although early attachment formation plays a key role in later development, a young child’s internal working model is not completely fixed. The first years of life are particularly sensitive in terms of the model formation, but the experiences that follow can change what has already been formed. Positive interactions within the context of a stable and sensitive caregiving relationship can lead to insecure attachment becoming secure, and repeated disruptions to a positive caregiving relationship due to factors such as parental hospitalisation or discord can lead to secure attachment becoming insecure.
Attachment theory, with its emphasis on continuity of care and responsive care, strongly suggests that interruptions in care across multiple foster homes will have negative consequences for the development of selective attachment and internal working models. The attachment system of a child who has been in the foster care for a long time is likely to be organised in a constant expectation of rejection and loss. Such children, who still hope to be loved and cared for, may be deeply concerned about being rejected, abandoned or neglected. As a result, they may experience anger and behave in a way to draw attention. In other cases, repeated separation and loss can lead to a child developing a protective “shell”. When this happens, the shell can become so thick that the child may seem to no longer feel the loss. This immunity to loss comes at a cost: the relationship no longer matters to the child.
Implications for parents
It is important that foster parents are aware of the attachment’s central role in social and emotional development. Disruption of previous attachments or the lack of opportunities to form attachments may explain some of the characteristics of post-institutionalised children and children in foster care. The formation of attachment to adoptive parents will be encouraged by sensitive care and a period of time immediately after adoption when the child is mostly in the family environment. A focus on relationships outside the family may come later, when the child has had the opportunity to understand his or her relationship with the parents as unique.
If the child has ever had the opportunity to form an attachment to either a biological parent or a previous caregiver, the new parents must recognise that their child has already experienced a loss that has shaken his or her sense of security. If the previous attachment was secure, the child’s internal working model is likely to provide a positive basis for establishing a new attachment. If the previous attachment was insecure, the child’s loss is no less. Indeed, the child may need more patience and support to overcome the negative expectations associated with feeling insecure. Children who have experienced multiple losses may have great difficulty forming relationships. This may be because they are emotionally disconnected, or because they express deep anger and demand attention in inappropriate ways. Attachment theory explains this behaviour. Understanding these behaviours is not the same as knowing what to do about them; however, it can go a long way towards reducing feelings of confusion and inadequacy for the caregiver.
Supporting the development of secure attachment. Conclusion.
Although each child is unique, there are some general suggestions for how caregivers can support their child’s development of secure attachment.
- Secure attachment develops through consistent and appropriate responses by caregivers to their children’s cues. Children who have been in foster care or institutional care may not give clear cues about their needs because of their history, so it can be very difficult for parents to “read” those needs. Children may not call out to you when they wake up, may not cry when they are scared or self-harming, may not tell you that they are hungry. In such cases, parents are advised to think about typical behaviour in certain situations and respond to their child based on this. For example, go to your child’s room when you expect him or her to wake up, greet and give a hug. When your child pushes you away or feels afraid, reassure him or her, even if the child doesn’t seem upset.
- For some parenting decisions, it can be helpful to think of your child in terms of his or her emotional age rather than chronological age. For example, a three- or four-year-old child who has been in an institution or neglectful family may not be socially and emotionally ready to enter preschool, even though this is the age at which children with typical upbringings often start kindergarten.
