Author: Daniil

This review certainly contains a lot of generalisations, although each story is special. 

Here we will also be talking about adults who let not only their own children into their hearts. These are adoptive parents, foster parents, guardians, etc… They are all very different, just like the children they take in, but they have something in common. And this commonality can be found thanks to the theory of attachment – a basic understanding of building relationships between people. 

An adopted child or a child in foster care comes to a new family with additional experiences that few caregivers are ready for or even aware of. Such a child comes with hidden memories of grief, attachment anxiety and emotional memories of vague loss. 

As the child grows older, he or she may develop behavioural problems and a desire to isolate, as the mind struggles to identify the emotions caused by being in another family. 

Attachment strategies change as the child is transferred from one mother (one environment) to another, making the creation of secure attachment a central concern in the foster care system. Deep emotions reminiscent of separation from the biological mother surface, causing discomfort in a child in care. Therefore, such children may simultaneously experience grief, shame, anger and isolation. However, they have a limited ability to cope with “uncomfortable” emotions, so they will use one of two options: 

• act out and behave “badly” or 
• suppress feelings, become distant and compliant.

This is the period when many problematic behaviours surface, puzzling and confusing caregivers. The family system is further complicated by the presence of memories that children have, but which psychologists, social workers, parents and guardians are not aware of. 

Children in foster care have a gap between own emotions and the ability to identify them. And this is the root cause of most of the problems that arise in the process of adoption (foster care).

Even several-days-old babies can record long-term memories. Their brains process emotions, and long-term memories are stored as emotional models. An infant separated from a biological mother will remember this event. These types of memories are called preverbal memories, and they have a unique property that caregivers need to understand. 

Childhood memories are recalled in adulthood in the same way as they were recorded at the time of their occurrence. It is difficult and even impossible for children to express these preverbal memories. This means that a child who remembers something will experience it emotionally in the same way as an infant. 

Adoptees may have disturbing memories that are difficult to put into words. In essence, children are unable to translate their preverbal memories into language. So, they cannot understand what they are feeling, and without sufficient vocabulary, they cannot even ask for help. This leads to a cognitive and emotional disconnect. 

An adopted or foster child learns from his or her family that he or she is wanted, loved, and will never be abandoned, but emotional memories are the exact opposite. There are instances where a child knows that he has caregivers, people to rely on and trust, but still feels isolated. He or she may understand that they will never abandon him or her, but at the same time feel that they will do. It is like knowing that you are whole, but feeling that some part is missing… This discrepancy between thoughts and feelings becomes the basis for insecure attachment, problematic behaviour, power struggles, and poor academic performance that caregivers cannot understand. 

The struggle to reconcile thoughts and feelings can be a lifelong task for these children. Educated caregivers can create a favourable and healthy family environment if they are aware of this process and know how to deal with it. 

Foster parenting is literally attachment parenting. Creating a secure attachment is the solution to healing a child who has lost it. The caregivers’ responses should focus on child’s emotional memories. 

Principles of attachment education: 

1. Preparation for parenting. Preparation for foster parenting is crucial in the form of training that develops the parenting skills needed to create a secure attachment with the adopted child. 
2. Communication of support. Responding with sensitivity is vital, as communication that fosters secure attachment happens all the time: at feeding time, at bedtime, and during conflicts. Non-verbal communication is crucial in the form of touch, eye contact, body language and voice. This communication goes directly to the limbic system and reaches the child’s “emotional mind” in addition to the “cognitive mind”. 
3. Positive discipline. This is an approach in which adults pay maximum attention to a child who behaves in an acceptable and appropriate manner in certain circumstances, even if such behaviour does not last long. Discipline in foster parenting is positive and never punitive, and always focuses on strengths. Encouragement for effort is much more powerful than praise for success. 

Now let’s also try to answer a rather frequent question: WHY do adopted children (or children in care) misbehave?

“Bad” behaviour is nothing but a coping strategy. The behaviour we see is not the problem but a solution. Children who are in trouble are using a coping strategy to get what they want. Outwardly, the child is irritable and demanding attention, arguing or engaging in a conflict. The motivation for this behaviour is the child’s misguided goals, such as seeking attention, power, revenge or demonstrating strong feelings. 

An adopted child who tends to feel disconnected and isolated will try to restore connection by seeking excessive attention from parents. Children who feel that they do not matter may retaliate to demonstrate that they want attention. 

A child’s inappropriate behaviour is a desire for power to show that he or she matters. It is a false goal born of inexperience, a lifestyle that has developed through the rewarding of parents who do not know that they are reinforcing the very behaviour they are trying to stop.

The actual goals that children seek to achieve through their misbehaviour are four critical basic needs:

• to feel connected to others;
• to be able to control oneself;
• to know that you are important;
• to be able to cope with what is happening. 

When children misbehave, they are trying to achieve one or several of these goals. It often happens that parents react by imposing restrictions or punishment. But when parents learn to see their child’s behaviour as communication, they will be able to identify the child’s goals. And a secure attachment in the family will be the child’s path to meeting his or her most important needs. 

The need to belong and feel connected is a child’s strongest motivational force. 

When a child has an attachment disorder or is compromised by emotional memories of the loss of the primary mother, love causes anxiety instead of security. The child is reacting to his or her previous experience of maternal loss, which is stored in the limbic system. The natural urge to attach and connect contradicts the fear of loss that arose from past attachment. The child’s emotional boundaries expand and contract, without a clear relationship to events. And this constant change in emotional boundaries due to misbehaviour can drive parents crazy. 

PARENTAL SOLUTION 

Instead of asking the child to change their behaviour, I suggest that parents / caregivers think about what they can change in themselves to help the child.

Research shows that children with attachment disorders are most receptive to healing when they are working through their fears. This is the most difficult time for parents to be unresponsive and remain calm, but it is essential for creating a secure attachment. 

There is a basic model for helping foster children when they are misbehaving: 

1. Pull child’s fears to the surface by asking “Are you afraid? Do you feel lonely?” 
2. Check the child’s emotions. Do not judge them. 
3. Identify the child’s key goals: connection, self-control, sense of importance, value, and sense of competence. 
4. Support the child and help him / her achieve these goals. 
5. Encourage the child’s efforts by saying “I believe in you”. 
6. Connect emotionally through eye contact, touch and soothing body language. 

There is no therapy, intervention or medicine that can cure a child with attachment disorder. Such a child can only heal through the experience of secure attachment created in the foster care system. Here is its formula: “The therapists are parents, the medicine is love, and the experience of attachment is the best tool to help a child overcome fears”.

Scientists all over the world are trying to identify the causes, establish the factors and invent new effective methods of treating diseases. Unfortunately, they are not always successful. And it is most painful when children suffer. According to UNICEF, there are about 240 million children with various forms of disability in the world.

Global trends are focused on integrating this category of people, as experts from many fields are developing and improving methods of diagnosis, correction and socialisation to make inclusive and special education a reality rather than a luxury.

We have noticed, however, that not only children but also parents need help. There are many myths about life after a disability is established: “there is no future”, “it is hopeless”, “it is the end of a normal life”. But we are here to dispel these myths and support parents. We will help you see the prospects, find the strength and resources to understand your child and create a comfortable living space for your family.

We invite you to stay in our safe space, take care of yourself, be filled, inspired, restored and be with your child with new strength, awareness and knowledge.

Have you ever noticed that you want to do something with your hands when worried? Drawing, laying stones, creating mosaics, writing with a stick in the sand or building sand palaces, modelling with dough or clay, making collages, combining colours, making a doll from flowers, fabric or other materials, or even writing stories? To relieve tension, sometimes your body starts moving when you hear pleasant music. 

When we are in a creative state, we calm down, we breathe steadily, our movements become precise – this is because we get fully committed to a process in which we feel safe and inspired. This process is fascinating and peaceful, because it is like a game in which we look for our symbols, which fill us with resources and new meanings. This is how children and adults let go of doubts and anxiety and simply create their own beauty. 

“Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain” (Carl Jung) 

One of the most effective ways to harmonise personality development is through art, which is used for therapeutic purposes in art therapy. The therapeutic effect of art therapy techniques is important in working with children and adults who are raising a child with a psychophysical developmental disorders. Parents’ emotional state is the key to normalising the child’s feelings, well-being and the sense of confidence.

The effectiveness of art therapy is confirmed by a plethora of literature on music therapy, art therapy, dance and motor therapy, bibliotherapy, sand therapy, puppet therapy, fairy tale and mask therapy, etc. The analysis of modern scientific work on the above problems shows the expediency of using these methods in the work of correctional teachers and special education psychologists. The introduction of art therapy methods into the psychological rehabilitation of a family raising a child with a complex disorder is considered one of the most effective areas of work.

The term “art therapy” was first coined in 1938 by the English physician and artist Adrian Hill, when describing work in sanatoriums with tuberculosis patients. He believed that thanks to human ability to create new images, this could distract a person from worrying about his or her physical disabilities and focus on what helped be free from suffering.

The main means of art therapy are those characterised by the types of art: drawing (fine arts therapy), game (play therapy), fairy tales (fairy tale therapy), sand (sand therapy), dolls (doll therapy), etc.

A significant “psychotherapeutic” effect can be achieved in creative activity, as it produces an atmosphere of emotional warmth, goodwill, empathy, recognition of values, feelings, experiences, and care. Working in a team creates a sense of psychological comfort, safety, joy, and success. The result is the mobilisation of the healing potential of the child’s emotional sphere and those around him or her.

In addition, art therapy performs a peculiar communicative task, because when doing elements of group art therapy, a child and his or her family learn to work and interact in a team, acquire the skills of proper communication, compassion, mutual understanding, mutual respect, and mutual support. 

The use of various forms of artistic expression create conditions, in which everyone is successful in various activities and performs tasks independently. At the same time, there is a “situation of success” that translates into a sense of satisfaction, belief in one’s own strength, dignity and self-respect. Parents and children learn to verbalise emotional experiences and openness in communication.

Art therapy also helps achieve positive results in working with families raising a child with a complex disorder, including abnormalities of the emotional and volitional spheres. In these case artistic therapeutic activities help reduce anxiety, aggression, fear, shyness and hyperactivity. Therefore, it can be argued that the use of art therapy in psychological correction has a powerful potential in creating a psychologically comfortable educational environment, which, in turn, contributes to the harmonisation of personality development through the ability to express oneself.

In families raising a child with a psychophysical disorder and where art therapy practices were used, it was found that:
– art therapy helped to unearth the creative abilities and self-worth of the individual; 
– the level of anxiety decreased and the emotional state stabilised;
– after using art therapy methods and techniques in the work with a group of parents over a certain time, it was found that relationships became more harmonious, mutual understanding between parents and children with SEN improved, and the mood and self-control of parents generally improved. This enabled specialists to work together fruitfully and improved emotional relationships between family members, which had a positive impact on the child and child’s feelings, encouraged to learn;
– gradual use of art therapy methods is effective in creating a harmoniously developed personality with a stable mental state, while eliminating irritation, despair, and rejection of the current situation.

FAQs:
– Are art therapy sessions suitable only for children? 
– No! Art therapy is a universal method for all ages.
– Do I need to have special skills?
– No! Only your desire!
– Is there an evaluation of aesthetic value and beauty of the final products of art therapy?
– No! The most important thing is the creative process! But… reflecting on your creation (drawing, composition, sculpture) is a source of information about you, your problems and ways to overcome them. It is while reflecting on the result of creative process that the necessary solutions are found. The effect of “insight” is crucial in art therapy, and no psychologist can create it. You are the one who gets to know your inner world and draws conclusions.
– Looking at paintings, listening to music… is this also art therapy?
– Yes, this is a passive method of personal development.
– Is it possible to work online?
– Yes! The effectiveness of the work is not reduced.

To participate, you just need to register at https://confidence.net.ua/ 

We are waiting for you!

Have you ever seen a hamster? Have you even held it in your arms – stroked it, fed it? Have you seen 35 billion hamsters sitting in a line and crunching carrots (do hamsters like carrots?) What if I told you that our skin has 35 billion hamsters, oh, sorry – 35 billion cells? Yes, imagine that your skin is made of 35 billion cells. Isn’t that a lot? If you took all those little hamsters and really lined them up, they would be enough to go round the sun! Well, you know what I mean – the sun above.

Here are five more interesting facts about skin:

1. Skin weighs 4 to 8 kilos (so it’s heavier than a bowling ball).
2. Skin changes completely every few weeks.
3. Skin cells form faster than any other cells in our bodies.
4. Lips are one of the few parts of the body that do not have sweat glands, which is why they can be dry and crack in hot weather.
5. Do you remember carrots? Well, if you eat a lot of carrots, or rather, if you eat them for months, you can increase the level of beta-carotene in your blood. And your skin can turn yellow, your palms will definitely have a carrot tint. What to do? Just stop crunching so many carrots, and everything will be fine. Share with your hamster))

You can read more truths (and fables) about the skin in Adam Kay’s “Anatomy for Children”. This post was really inspired by this book.

Mental health is an important and integral part of our overall well-being. It affects our thoughts, feelings, behaviour, relationships, productivity and quality of life. However, many people experience a variety of mental health issues that can make them feel unwell and interfere with their functioning. These include depression, anxiety, stress, addictions, post-traumatic stress disorder and the like. These disorders can be caused by various factors, including genetics, illness, trauma, conflicts, crises, social environment.

War has a particularly devastating impact on mental health. Constant anxiety for one’s own life or the lives of loved ones, existential choices, loss of family and friends, housing, money, work, stability – these are factors that definitely add to the development of mental disorders.

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), about 1 billion people worldwide suffer from mental disorders. However, only a small proportion of them receive adequate care and treatment. According to the Ukrainian Resource Audit of Mental Health and Psychosocial Support Service, supported by the United States Agency for International Development (USAID), only 10% of Ukrainians who experience psychological discomfort seek medical attention. Many avoid such care because of stigma, lack of access or lack of awareness of their symptoms or needs. However, delaying can worsen the condition, lead to complications in diagnosis and treatment, a decrease in quality of life, and even death.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialise in the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. They provide a safe space to discuss your condition and offer effective treatments.

When should I see a psychiatrist?

It is important to see a psychiatrist if you are experiencing psychological discomfort or difficulties in your life. There really is no clear answer to the question “When to see a psychiatrist?” because each person is unique, with own history and symptoms. However, there are certain signs and situations that may point at the need to see a psychiatrist: 

• Prolonged or severe depression, accompanied by loss of interest in life, low self-esteem, guilt, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts or even attempts.
• Excessive anxiety or fear that interferes with normal functioning, causing panic attacks, phobias, compulsive behaviours or avoidance of certain situations.
• Complicated or unexplained mental conditions that require clarification of the diagnosis or prescription of medicinal treatment. These include bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorder, etc.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder, which emerges after experiencing a traumatic event and is accompanied by memories, nightmares, guilt, isolation, anger or other negative emotions.
• Eating disorders, which are characterised by unhealthy attitudes towards food, body image and weight. Examples include anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, etc.
• Addictions to substances or behaviours that impair control over actions and cause harm to the person or others. These are alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, etc.
• Problems with adaptation to life changes or crises, such as divorce, job loss, death of a loved one, etc.

If you recognise yourself in any of these points or simply feel the need for professional help, do not hesitate to contact a psychiatrist. The sooner you start treatment, the better the results and the fewer complications.

What are the benefits of timely visit to a psychiatrist?

Seeing a psychiatrist can have many benefits for your mental and physical health. Here are some of them:

• You receive qualified help and support from a health professional who can properly assess your condition and offer the best treatment plan;
• You better understand yourself and your problem, so you can identify and change negative thoughts and behaviours that worsen your condition;
• You improve relationships with others, so it will be easier for you to find social support and cope with conflict or stress;
• You improve your productivity and achieve your goals, whether they relate to school, work, hobbies or personal development;
• You prevent or reduce the risk of complications or chronicity of a mental disorder that can have adverse effects on physical health, such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity, etc;
• You improve your quality of life and enjoy more of your strengths, interests, hobbies or dreams.

People can be afraid of psychiatrists for a variety of reasons.

• Fear of what others will think of them if they seek help. Many people face stigma, prejudice and discrimination because of their mental health. They may be afraid of losing their jobs, friends, reputation or even self-respect.
• Fear of being prescribed medication or therapy that will have unwanted side effects or be ineffective. Some people may have negative experiences with previous treatment or have heard about them from others. They may be afraid of becoming dependent on medication, allergies, or losing control of their emotions or personality.

These are just some of the possible reasons why people are afraid to see a psychiatrist. However, it is important to remember that psychiatrists are professional, competent doctors who aim to help people with mental health problems. In their work, psychiatrists adhere to confidentiality and ethical principles; they can offer different methods of treatment and work with the patient to achieve the best results.

If you feel that you need the help of a psychiatrist, it does not mean that you are weak, guilty or “crazy”. It means that you want to improve your mental health and quality of life. Seeking help is a brave and smart thing to do.

Until some point, people live in mythical perception: bugs talk, dandelions sing, monsters live under the bed, the pot quarrels with the kettle, toys can get hurt if you don’t pay attention to them… Amulets-stones, talismans-papers, words-spells have a special meaning and save you from any threat – from a big bad wolf, a black spider, an evil word, a grumpy lady, a harsh old man, a terrible disaster. Then a person becomes an adult, and his or her mythical thinking gives way to logic and “conscious consciousness”; a mythical nature becomes a ghost, something forgotten and ridiculous, while own strength and control skyrocket. Now a person takes care of his or her own safety. 

Suddenly, a war comes to the door and destroys all controls over one’s own life, sweeps away the stable sense of security, and leaves nothing. A person is no longer able to control own safety. And all over sudden the psyche comes to the confused consciousness with a little bucket and a shovel and invites it to play in the sandbox. While they are playing, the psyche reminds the consciousness that there are forces higher than man and brings back childhood rituals, amulets-stones, talismans-papers, words-spells. The psyche asks the “conscious consciousness” not to take on too much, but rather to draw “protective circles” in the sand…

This kind of regress in thinking is how the psyche cares for you. It tries to protect the consciousness from the threat of external environment and person’s inability to influence these circumstances. The psyche restores early defensive mechanisms to re-impose the experience of danger on them and find own mechanisms of control. And this is good. It’s good to be aware of this process. After all, we remember the “mind games” of totem people and their mythical thinking. 

The following is the quote from Hermann Hesse’s “The Glass Bead Game”.

Although it was impossible to dispel their mortal terror by appeal to reason, this terror could still be guided, organized, given shape, so that the confusion of maddened people could be made into a solid unity, the wild, single voices merged into a chorus. But there was no time to be lost. Knecht stepped before the people, loudly crying the well-known prayers that opened public ceremonies of penance and mourning: the lament for the death of a tribal mother, or the ceremony of sacrifice and atonement in the face of perils such as epidemics and floods. He shouted the words in rhythm and reinforced the rhythm by clapping his hands; and in the same rhythm, shouting and clapping his hands all the while, he stooped almost to the ground, straightened up, stooped again, and straightened up. Almost at once ten or twenty others joined in his movements. The white-haired mother of the village murmured in the same rhythm and with tiny bows sketched the ritual movements. Those who were still flocking to the assemblage from the huts at once joined in the beat and the spirit of the ceremony; the few who had gone off their heads collapsed, and lay motionless, or else were caught up in the murmur of the chorus and the religious genuflections. His method was effective. Instead of a demoralized horde of madmen, there now stood a reverent populace prepared for sacrifice and penance, each one benefiting, each one encouraged by now having to lock his horror and fear of death within himself, or bellow it crazily for himself alone. Each now fitted into his place in the orderly chorus of the multitude, keeping to the 

rhythm of the exorcistic ceremony…