Author: Daniil

Mental and behavioural disorders in children require a comprehensive approach to diagnosis and treatment. A multidisciplinary approach is the most effective one, where a team of specialists from different fields works with the child, providing comprehensive development and support. Below are some basic principles and stages of working with such children.

Multidisciplinary approach

Successful work with children with mental and behavioural disorders depends on a multidisciplinary team consisting of the following specialists:

1. Paediatric psychiatrist conducts initial diagnostics, determines the need for medicinal treatment, monitors its effectiveness and adjusts it as necessary.
2. Child psychologist conducts psychodiagnostics, holds individual and group sessions, helps a child and his/her family to adapt to life.
3. Speech therapist works on correction of speech disorders, helps to develop communication skills.
4. Correctional teacher develops and implements individual educational programmes, helps a child master school material, taking into account the child’s peculiarities.
5. Social worker offers support to a family, helps address social problems, coordinates work with other institutions and organisations.

Interaction with a family

The effectiveness of work with a child largely depends on the interaction between specialists and the child’s family. The family is a key partner in rehabilitation. The main principles of such interaction are as follows:

• Close communication, such as holding regular consultations and meetings with family members, joint planning of rehabilitation activities.
• Distribution of roles and responsibilities, such as involving parents in performing certain tasks, defining the role of each team member to achieve a common goal.
• Support and education of parents, such as providing information and resources to understand the disorder, teaching methods of interaction with the child, emotional support.

Consequences of refusing to consult a child psychiatrist

Sometimes parents decline to consult a child psychiatrist, which can have adverse effects on rehabilitation. Such refusals reduce the effectiveness of care, as a psychiatrist is a key specialist in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. It also means that parents take on additional responsibility for their child’s condition and may not receive the necessary support.

Warning about possible consequences

Not a single family will be denied our help, but we warn that refusal to consult a child psychiatrist may compromise the results of rehabilitation. Our goal is to provide the most effective support and assistance to a child and his or her family. We strongly recommend that you follow the recommendations of all members of the multidisciplinary team.

Conclusion

A multidisciplinary approach to working with children with mental and behavioural disorders is the most effective way to ensure their comprehensive development and integration into society. Interaction between specialists and families is key for success, and following the team’s recommendations ensures the best results.

Fear and stigma around psychiatric care often become an obstacle even to deciding to see a family doctor about one’s mental health. 

If a child is developing psychological disturbances, it is important to see a family doctor or paediatrician as soon as possible so that they decide whether treatment is needed and, if necessary, refer the child to a paediatric psychiatrist. Or one can go straight to a paediatric psychiatrist, just as we visit other children’s doctors, such as an ophthalmologist or an ENT specialist. Early intervention is a key to success. 

Psychiatric care is now focused on human rights observance, so in Ukraine they passed a number of amendments to the national law on psychiatric care along with the approval of the Cabinet of Minister’s Concept of mental health development in Ukraine for the period until 2030. 

Important steps have been taken to protect patients with mental disorders. In particular, the Order of the Ministry of Health No. 1063 of 13 May 2019 “On invalidation of the Order of the Ministry of Health of Ukraine No. 20 of 22 January 2007 ‘On approval of the Instruction on arranging dispensary and consultative supervision of persons suffering from mental disorders in the provision of outpatient psychiatric care’” abolished dispensary registration for people with mental disorders.

Important! According to Article 39-1 of the Law of Ukraine “Fundamentals of the Legislation of Ukraine on Healthcare”, the patient shall have the right to privacy of his or her health status, the fact of seeking medical help, diagnosis, as well as the information obtained within the course of his or her medical check-up. It is prohibited to request and provide information about the patient’s diagnosis and treatment methods at the place of work or study. 

Important! According to Article 11 of the Law of Ukraine “On Psychiatric Care”, in case of disagreement of one of the parents or in the absence of parents, a psychiatric examination of a person under the age of 14 (a minor) shall be carried out by decision (consent) of the guardianship and custody authority, which is made no later than 24 hours after the other legal representative of the said person has applied to this authority. 

Compulsory examination of a child, as well as outpatient and inpatient treatment of a child (if the parents do not agree) is carried out in three situations:

1. A child, as a result of a mental disorder, poses a danger or threat to him/herself (suicidal behaviour).
2. A child poses a danger or threat to others, showing aggression due to a mental.
3. A child is unable to ensure his/her vital activity due to a mental disorder.

Important! According to Article 25 of the Law of Ukraine “On Psychiatric Care”, persons receiving psychiatric care have the right to:

• refuse to receive psychiatric care, except cases when it is provided under the compulsory procedure provided for by law; 
• receive all types of medical and sanitary assistance (including sanatorium and resort treatment) for medical indications; 

Every child has the right to education. Parents have the right to choose an educational institution, educational programme, type and form of education for their child. Schools or kindergartens requested by parents of a child with special educational needs are obliged to create an inclusive class or group in accordance with Article 55 of the Law of Ukraine “On Education”. 

Every person with disability has the right to work. According to Article 18 of the Law of Ukraine “On the Fundamentals of Social Protection of Persons with Disabilities in Ukraine”, persons with disabilities have the right to work, regardless of their disability group (this means that groups 1, 2, 3 are the so-called “working groups”).

The rights of persons with disabilities to employment and paid work, including working from home, are ensured through their direct application to enterprises, institutions, organisations or the state employment service.

A conclusion on the person’s inability to work due to disability is made only with the consent of this person (unless the person with a disability is declared incapacitated). This principle is regulated by clause 2.2 of the “Instruction on Establishing Disability Groups” approved by the Order of the Ministry of Health of Ukraine No. 561 of 5 September 2011.

“Directly after God in heaven comes a Papa”

Wolfgand Amadeus Mozart

Both mom and dad love their child. But is there a difference in their love? Of course there is. Father’s love is not like the love of a mother. A father is a different way of looking at the world. Yes, both dad and mom love their child at all times – when he or she is nice and when he or she is naughty. However, there is a difference. 

A mother’s love for her child is absolute. A father, on the other hand, is capable of not showing his feelings; his love has to be won. A father means support, strength, and a source of creative inspiration. A father is someone who teaches life and makes it clear that things may not always be our way. He hardens the child.

A child perceives mom and dad as the most important part of own self. And at first, the mother is essentially the child’s world, and later she brings the child into the world through herself. The child learns about the world through the mother, sees the world through her eyes, and focuses on what is important to the mother. Consciously or not, the mother actively shapes the child’s perception. And the child is also introduced to the father by the mother – she conveys the degree of importance of the father.

Sometimes it happens that relations between a father and mother do not make it through a crisis and collapse. In this case, when the mother is offended, no longer loves, cannot trust, does not respect the father, she, looking at her child and finding some similarities and manifestations of the father, will consciously or unconsciously convey to the child that this “masculine part” is bad. And the child, out of mere desire to survive in such a family system, abandons the father. And he essentially gives up his “masculine part”. 

Speaking of girls, they value their dad’s attention. If the mother supports this, then father shows the daughter that she is beautiful, and he loves her. In the future, this experience of communicating with a father that will make a girl feel like an attractive woman. Daughters with “no access to the father” are psychologically little girls irrespective of the fact that they have long since become adults. 

People who do not like themselves, consider themselves ugly, do not accept their individuality, are prone to excessive self-judgement and condemnation of others – usually these are children whose mothers condemned and rejected the importance of the father in the child’s life.

What should adults do if there are misunderstandings and even hostility in their relationships? It’s important not to mix couple’s internal relations with parent-child relations. This can be unbearable for a child. A woman needs to distinguish between the “partner” and the “father”: if your husband is a bad partner for you, it does not mean that he is a bad father. 

It is increasingly becoming commonplace, when immediately after a divorce, a mother tries to prove that the child’s dad is bad not only as a partner, but also as a father. Later, the father returns and wins the child’s attention and trust. And this changes the child’s relationship with his or her mother. 

A mother who cannot accept her child’s father cannot fully accept the child either. She cannot love the child unconditionally. As a result, the child may lose access to both parents. 

Masculinity is much more than just resembling a father. It is the law, spirituality, dignity, an inner sense of relevance, self-realisation, and material income. All of this is possible when you have a positive father figure.

No matter how positive the mother is, it is the father who initiates the adult part inside the child. Helpless people are usually those who had no access to their fathers.

Is a father really that important?

Yes, each of us is a continuation and the result of the merger of two streams – maternal and paternal. When a child accepts both parents, agrees that the parents are who they are, he or she automatically gets a chance to grow and develop fully. This is the parental blessing.

Fear plays an important role in the evolution of the human race, as it prevents life-threatening, reckless and impulsive actions. It was definitely present in primitive man, who was constantly exposed to danger. In different cultures, children experience a number of common fears in their development: in early childhood and preschool, the fear of separation from their mother; the fear of death at the age of 7-8, and so on. This is proof of general patterns of mental development. Some psychological characteristics make the emergence of fears in children more likely. These include emotional sensitivity and related vulnerability, which, just like emotional memory, lead to a vivid, imaginative retention of traumatic life events. Inertia and rigidity of nervous processes, as well as developed long-term memory, contribute to the prolonged retention and fixation of the object of fear and make it difficult to switch attention, which, in turn, reinforces and intensifies the feeling of fear.

LET’S UNDERSTAND THE CAUSES OF FEARS IN CHILDREN

1. Parental (mainly maternal) fears: anxiety in their attitude towards the child, excessive shielding of the child from dangers and isolation from peers. The only child in a family is the most susceptible to this type of fear, as he or she often become the epicentre of parental concerns and anxieties. Hyper-protection, overprotection, ‘blowing dust off a child creates a sense of weakness, insecurity, and defencelessness in a child facing the world full of dangers.
2. Early rationalisation of the child’s feelings due to excessive demands of parents or their emotional rejection of children.
3. A large number of prohibitions from a parent of the same sex or the granting of complete freedom to a child by a parent of the other sex, as well as numerous and unrealised threats from adults.
4. Lack of conditions for role identification with the parent of the same sex, mainly for boys, which creates problems with communication with peers and generates self-doubt.
5. Conflicted relationships between parents. A child’s emotional sensitivity to parental conflict tends to increase with age. Girls are particularly vulnerable in this regard, due to their greater susceptibility compared to boys.
6. Mother’s constant nervous and psychological overload as a result of forced or intentional substitution of family roles.
7. Mental traumas such as fright, which exacerbate the age-related sensitivity of children and lead to a sense of danger, “fear contagion” in the process of direct communication with peers and adults.

HOW TO HELP A CHILD?
Below are seven steps to overcome fears.
The first step towards a child in the fight against his or her fears is to be patient. Patience is crucial because many fears seem silly. Again, patience and calmness. The mother’s reaction is always transmitted to the child. If the mother starts to yell, the fear does not disappear but adds the fear of being punished. The child stops complaining and withdraws. The task of parents is to prevent the fear from taking hold and developing into a mental disorder

The second step is to show your calmness, but also interest in the child’s problem. Ask in detail what the child is afraid of.

The third step is to explain that this happens not only to him or her, but to other children as well. Tell or invent a story about yourself: “When I was little, I was also sometimes afraid, but then I grew up and now a lot has changed…”

The fourth step is to avoid punishing the child if he or she continues to be afraid. Never try to convince the child that he or she is bad because of fear.

The fifth step is to use imagination, if persuasion does not help. Look for other ways to overcome fears, such as humour. Act out a true story where the child is an observer, not a participant in the events. Pretend to be afraid of something and then turn it into a joke: “It turns out to be this, and I thought… Oh, how I made everyone laugh…”. Be sure to laugh long and laugh infectiously. Ask your child to retell this story to the father, and see how he or she does it – with humour or anxiety? Read children’s books with similar stories. 

The sixth step implies perseverance. The fight against fears can sometimes be very long and exhausting. But don’t give up! The main thing is not to intimidate, punish, or cause new fears. If the child is categorically against it, back off, but return to the issue later.

The seventh step is encouragement. It can be a word, a toy, a trip to the park, things like that. If the child has overcome some small, insignificant fear, be sure to praise him or her, mention this small feat for a few more days, tell strangers or other people in the presence of the child how brave he or she was. Praise and brag about the child to others so that he or she can hear. 

Many fears are born from a mother’s own example. First of all, watch yourself, your reactions and behaviour. Adult nervousness only harms the child. If you scream every time you see your baby grabbing a fork: “Oh, no, she can hurt herself!!”, she will at best ignore you, and at worst be afraid to pick up the fork for a long time. Maybe she will also shout to her children “Drop the fork or you’ll hurt yourself!”.

If you see that none of these methods helped your child to cope with fears, if there is insomnia, stuttering, irritability or apathy appear, consult a psychologist. 

Remember that in a stressful situation, the attitudes of our subconsciousness are formed that we will take with us into adulthood. But dear parents, remember that there is a fear that is SCARY to lose. This is the fear of offending or judging a friend; the fear of your indifference, greed, callousness, and hard-heartedness. Never lose this fear!

Most problems arise because we are waiting for someone to make us happy. This “someone” must do something: perform certain actions, say certain words, be there when we need him, spend time with us, etc.

However, shifting responsibility for our happiness to others is pointless and foolish. Until people learn to make themselves happy, no one can do it for them. It only seems that many things depend on others, or that someone special in our lives will suddenly change our fate.

Of course, we all influence each other. But we are the core, the basis of our own well-being. If I do not want to change and do nothing to become happy, then someone else will hardly be able to do it for me.

Below are some simple recommendations to help make life more interesting, joyful and fulfilling. And you can choose what works for you and what doesn’t…

Don’t sleep too long.
Make it a habit to wake up at the same time – no later than 8 a.m. This way, you will not only get a lot of extra time, but you will also help yourself to stay young and beautiful, vigorous and energetic. Of course, to wake up early, you need to go to bed earlier. Doctors recommend going to bed at 10 p.m. and waking up between 6 and 7 a.m. Sleep is our beauty and energy.

Do simple physical activity.
For those who exercise regularly, the word “simple” may sound strange. But those for whom sport is not something frequent can significantly improve their health, well-being and fitness with the help of light physical activity. It can be familiar exercises, such as squats, left and right body bends, press-ups, push-ups. Or you may find special training videos online and do the exercises with a trainer. Don’t be lazy and set aside 20-30 minutes a day for this. It won’t take long for you to see positive changes in your body and mind.

Devote at least 20 minutes for self-development.
Develop and develop and develop again. Every day! Otherwise, the world will not be interesting, and you will not be interesting to the world. Develop a habit of reading more; try not to waste time on the Internet, filter information. Many people spend hours at the computer, but the zero result. Choose resources that are really useful and interesting to you. 

Get rid of self-criticism. We are used to criticising ourselves, blaming ourselves, comparing ourselves to others. This is useless, because what we think about ourselves is what we have. This rule works unconditionally. Who else but me should love and respect myself first? It is not easy to give up self-criticism. It takes practice. You need to catch your thoughts and rebuild them. For example, the next time you start to engage in self-criticism, pinch yourself on the arm. This will be a warning sign. Or come up with something similar.

Watch motivational films. Watch a motivational film at least once a week. A good one should satisfy you, make you think or maybe rethink something. Sometimes a film helps us solve certain problems, look at a situation from a different angle. 

Of course, each of us has own “recipes” for making our lives joyful and satisfying. I recommend starting with the simplest thing – with wanting to be happy.

Throughout life, everyone faces losses. Many people think of loss only as death, but in reality, this concept is much broader.

Losses can be different:

✅ social (loss of work or education);

✅ mental and physical (loss of abilities and opportunities)

✅spiritual (disillusionment with faith);

✅ material (e.g. loss of home);

✅psychological (loss of physical attractiveness, youth);

✅Loss of a loved one (divorce, death).

Sometimes one person can experience several losses at the same time. This is not easy, because any loss is always accompanied by psychological experiences. However, the most tragic events in a person’s life are always associated with the loss of a loved one.

Psychoanalyst Erich Lindemann coined the expression “grief work”. Grief is a reaction to

the loss of a significant object, which involves emotional pain, sadness, anger, helplessness, guilt, and despair. The function of grief is to allow a person to come to terms with the loss and adapt to it.

In her book “On Death and Dying”, psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described 5 stages of grief:

– denial;

– anger;

– bargaining;

– depression;

– acceptance.

However, everyone goes through these stages in his or her own way. Some people go through them longer, someone – faster and in different sequences. Sometimes people may return to the stage they thought they had already passed. The important point is that the experience of bereavement should not be experienced alone. The support of family, friends, and society is essential in grieving.

🙌 What can support a person going through grief?

📍1. Unconditional acceptance of their reactions and experiences (tears, crying, anger, or other reactions).

📍2. Assistance in organising farewell rituals.

📍3. Listening, talking through the person’s sadness and pain.

📍4. Condolences should be expressed in an appropriate form, without long speeches. It is enough to say that you are sincerely sorry.

📍5. Do not share the story of grief on social media without the person’s permission.

📍6. If a loved one was killed, you can organise evenings of remembrance, recalling the bright moments of his / her life.

📍7. Advise to consult a specialist.

What should and should not be said:

You should say: “My condolences”, “I’m sorry it happened”, “I love you”, “If I were you, I might feel the same way”, “I’m with you”.

Never say: “Oh, don’t worry that much”, “You’ll find someone else”, “You’ll have another child”, “Time heals”, “You have to be strong”, “I understand how it hurts”.

👫It is important to acknowledge that consultations with a psychologist are very important, as is the support of from family and friends.

Resilient means something that has the ability to bend but not break and return to its previous form or state.

When it comes to people, resilience is a quality that helps to cope with challenges, return to normal and continue living a full life. Returning to normal is about a choice, so it is important to understand that the ease of making this choice is different for everyone. We should try to develop our resilience to get out of the grip of crisis and try to become the best version of ourselves.

6 factors of resilience.

1. Be optimistic. Optimism is an attitude of hope and confidence that everything will turn out well. Being a resilient optimist does not mean ignoring life problems – it means looking for the positive aspects, seeing the meaning and content of your life, focusing on the pleasures and “triggering” positive thoughts.
2. Confront fear. The feeling of fear is quite natural. It is important to understand what causes fear, and then learn and practice the skills necessary to overcome it. For many people, it is easier to face fear when there are other people around, those who they know and trust.  To overcome fear, you need to face it – this is what resilient people do.
3. Feel own value. Everyone has their own value from birth. Understanding and reminding yourself of your values will reduce the perception of threat and help you understand what is worth fighting for. If a person has strong values, he or she will make it through.
4. Nurture relationships. Strong social connections reduce the incidence of physical and mental health problems. Receiving and giving support is a process, not a single event. When a person feels supported by family, friends, and colleagues, he or she feels more confident, has better self-control, and perceives stressful situations as manageable. Almost no one who is resilient walks alone in this world, so you shouldn’t either!
5. Be cognitively flexible. Resilient people are usually flexible in the way they think about difficulties, how they think positively about life’s challenges, and how they regulate emotions. Pete Kerner wrote: “Life = change. If you are changing in some way, why not change for the better? You can change for better or for worse, you have no other choice; you can’t stay in the same place forever”.
6. To feel the meaning and purpose of life. Frederick Nietzsche once wrote about the power of meaning: “He who has a WHY to live can bear almost any HOW”.  Viktor Frankl recommended looking for meaning not by asking “What is the meaning of my life?” but by asking “What does life demand of me?”. What matters is not “what I can expect from life”, but “what life expects from me”.

No one knows how we came to this particular place, at this particular time in history. Nor did we choose our parents. And yet we are here and now, with a unique set of experiences, knowledge, and skills. Therefore, it is important to focus on what I am doing now, with what I already have. And perhaps it would be right to say to each of us today: “I’m doing the best I can with what I have”.

Join our projects and help yourself to become more resilient. Your support is with Confidence.

Recommended reading:  Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges by Steven M. Southwick and Dennis S. Charney, 2022

Stress is a state of mental tension that occurs in response to unfavourable external conditions. 

There is short-term stress that affects a person for a certain (short) period of time; usually the body reacts by short-term release of stress hormones, which, in turn, speeds up and improves memory, muscle activity, etc. There seems to be nothing wrong with stress. And that may indeed be true. Short-term stress, where a child or adult has enough internal or external resources to withstand it and get out of the situation, i.e. adapt, does not cause any harm to the body. 

But we are here to talk about the impact of prolonged, long-term stress on a person. 

Scientists conducted experiments on mice and found that prolonged exposure to cortisol (the so-called “stress hormone”) affects brain cells, stopping the formation of new ones and even destroying those that already exist. 

So, let’s take a closer look at what happens in the brain and how it affects cognitive function. As we have already found out, cortisol is released during stress. This happens because the hypothalamus signals the pituitary gland about the danger, and the latter regulates all the hormonal capabilities of our body: it sends a signal to the adrenal glands that directly produce adrenaline and cortisol, sends a signal to the pancreas to increase blood insulin, because cortisol and adrenaline increase the amount of glucose in the blood, and so on. Therefore, prolonged stress can affect all hormonal processes.

Further, cortisol accumulates in the brain. This negatively affects the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and emotional state. That’s why children and adults have a harder time remembering new information and forgetting old ones, and their emotional state worsens. 

Long-term stress affects the size of the amygdala and its functioning. It is the amygdala that regulates the response to stress. It grows in size and seems to lose the ability to distinguish between real and unreal dangers. This can lead to increased anxiety and other anxiety reactions, such as panic attacks. 

Stress hormones also affect the cerebral cortex, which is responsible for all higher mental functions, such as attention, thinking, planning, etc. An adult may experience difficulties in making conscious decisions, while children may have less control over their behaviour, and learning skills may deteriorate. 

Stress affects the brain’s ability to form new neurons and “weave” networks, which impairs the brain’s ability to adapt to new situations.

Thus, prolonged stress affects all cognitive functions. Moreover, it changes the structure of the brain. Therefore, it is difficult for adults and children to

 ⁃ memorise;

 ⁃ work and study BEFORE stress, because the brain gets tired faster;

 ⁃ make conscious decisions;

 ⁃ control some emotional reactions;

 ⁃ quickly adapt to new conditions.

To be able to cope with stress better, it is important to follow a few rules that will improve your condition.

Alisa Lokhmachova, a psychologist, neuropsychologist, teacher, and the CPH “Confidence” specialist, advises: 

1. Take care of your own health: eat as balanced a diet as possible, get enough sleep and walks. 
2. Have a quality rest. For children and adults alike – spend time without gadgets doing what you love.
3. Take care of your own psychological state: do meditation, exercise, breathing exercises.
4. For parents: try not to create additional stress for your children in the form of a bunch of activities. Take care of emotional health in your own home.

Understanding the past has a profound impact on our psycho-emotional state, personal development and overall quality of life. Events that occur in early childhood and adolescence shape our worldview, values and psychological mechanisms. Knowledge of the past allows us not only to identify the root of mental trauma or conflict, but also creates an opportunity for self-discovery and self-development.

Awareness of how past experiences affect our emotional reactions and interpersonal relationships paves the way to understanding our needs and motivations. This can become the basis for building resilience to stress, improving interpersonal relationships and achieving mental stability.

Knowing one’s past, a person can interact more effectively with emotions, develop adaptive strategies and work on own psychological resilience. This approach helps to create a supportive mental environment for self-development and inner harmony.
Knowing your past has several important aspects.

1.Self-knowledge.

Understanding our past allows us to better understand ourselves, our beliefs, and personality, contributing to the development of self-awareness.

2.Self-improvement.

Analysing past events allows us to identify aspects that can be improved and develop strategies for personal growth.

3.Interpersonal relationships.

Knowing our past helps us understand our reactions and approaches in interpersonal relationships, which can facilitate communication and conflict resolution.

4.Emotional stability.

Disclosing conflicts or traumas from the past allows us to work on overcoming them, which can improve emotional stability.

5.Stress resilience.

Understanding how past events affect us can help us develop strategies to effectively manage stress and difficulties.

Comprehensive strategies can be used to understand our past and its impact on our psycho-emotional state:

1. Psychotherapy – seeing a psychotherapist or psychoanalyst will help us look at the past from a professional perspective and help develop strategies for understanding and processing.
2. Self-analysis – a careful consideration of the events of our past, an attempt to understand how they influenced our beliefs and behaviour.
3. Keeping a diary helps to record emotions, thoughts and memories, analysing their impact on the current state.
4. Regular self-reflection, internal dialogue, and discussions with loved ones can open up different perspectives and help us understand the meaning of past events.
5. Mindfulness exercises and meditation can help us focus on internal processes and uncover hidden emotions or memories.

Combining these approaches, setting aside time and priorities for self-development, and identifying personal strategies allows us to create own contexts for understanding the past, which can facilitate deeper reflection and provide strong and stable psycho-emotional foundation.

Researchers have found that even infants, who cannot yet appreciate and understand what is happening to them, react to physical pain with anger. In adults, the source of anger can also include emotional pain, as well as hunger, fatigue, and restrictions on physical freedom.

This is quite understandable. Both pain and any discomfort are instinctively perceived as a danger – the body instantly mobilises to defend itself, and the emotion of anger is the result of biochemical changes in the body, which signals these processes.

Anger can be triggered by other people’s actions that a person perceives as unfair, offensive, and violating their rights and freedom. And it is not the actions themselves that are important, but the way a person explains them to him or herself. These explanations are based on a set of internal attitudes and expectations. And although our attitudes and expectations may seem quite fair to us, they are only ours, while other persons may react and perceive these circumstances in a completely different way, because they have their own attitudes and expectations. In addition, they have their own conscious and unconscious fears and defence mechanisms that suggest a line of behaviour.

We are taught very early on that it is bad to be angry. Children are often punished for expressing anger. Gradually, anger is being perceived as synonymous with violence. If the fear of punishment is stronger than the desire to vent anger on others, it stays inside and turns against ourselves, destroying our soul and body, because the displaced anger leaves its mark in the form of muscle tension.

What should we do in this case? Who should change his or her reaction?

The one who takes responsibility for own emotional state.

First, it will be helpful not to hide own feelings from oneself but to admit that they exist. And while acknowledging them, not to condemn oneself but express them, i.e. relieve negative tension, and then figure out what was their real cause and what can be changed to come to a more satisfactory state.

Life is too complex to give any definitive recommendations for change. Every decision requires a preliminary analysis. That is why it is always more difficult to engage in self-therapy than with the help of a psychologist who sees the situation from the outside and helps you to consider it from different angles.

However, this does not mean that you are completely helpless. After all, there are always two sides to a coin, and therefore, self-therapy has its important advantages. For example, you can openly talk about things that you would never risk confiding in someone else. You can confess even the most unpleasant feelings to yourself. It is important not only to think about it, but also to say it out loud when no one can hear you. Speaking out helps you separate yourself from the feelings you blame yourself for. 

After all, you have these emotions, you experience them, but they are not you.

Anger can and should be released.

The tension of anger is released when a person

• cries;
• walks a lot and fast;
• listens to soothing music;
• engages in any socially acceptable activity that requires physical force and aggression (for example, kneading dough or beating out rugs).

All of these methods are easily available, and we often use them intuitively. In addition, you can express your anger by dancing, symbolically expressing forbidden actions in movement; systematically performing relaxation exercises; pushing a ball or roller, tearing a thick layer of old papers; hitting a punching bag; growling and biting a rolled-up towel, etc.

Play dough is a great material for working on anger. You can mould this emotion and then, for example, crush it. You can make a “monster of anger” and then reshape it into other feelings that are less destructive, such as sadness. And then you can mould calmness, or determination, or even joy. For the modelling techniques to work effectively, you need to focus on places in your body where you feel anger. In the process, imagine the anger flowing from these different places into your hands, merging into your brushes, filling your fingertips, and from there filling the clay figure.

Once you have released your anger, be sure to analyse the situation that triggered the emotion. Consider your anger as a message that needs to be decoded. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What was it about this situation that caused my anger?
• Is this situation really dangerous for me in some way?
• If it is, what can I do to protect myself or avoid the danger?
• What is it that has offended me or limited me in some way?
• Could it be that someone’s actions or deeds meant rejection, denial of respect, love, sympathy for me?
• What does love, sympathy, respect of a particular person mean to me?
• What internal attitudes and expectations influenced the reaction of anger?
• What is the origin of the behaviour or words of the person who caused the anger? Is he or she making me angry on purpose? What is this purpose? What does he or she get by making me angry? Does this person have own goals? What are they? Is this person afraid of something? Does he or she consider me a source of danger? What is it about me and my behaviour that the other person might consider dangerous to him or her?
• What if my actions have stimulated the person’s reaction, which in turn has caused my anger?
• Or maybe I’m angry for a completely different reason, and this situation is just the last straw or a pretext for me to vent my anger?

Once you’ve figured out the real reasons for your anger, think about what you need to do (if anything) to prevent this situation from becoming chronic